Thank you @Skeezyks. I hope you can get away with never having any major illnesses. I truly do. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy or any living thing, for that matter.

I guess I just really needed a vent. My husband has to go with me, because someone has to drive. But the poor guy is just getting jerked around as much as me. They keep rescheduling the next procedure. It was supposed to be just before New Years, then my doctor literally up and quit. So now they told me about 5 hours ago that they might do it this Friday. So now he has to scramble to get the time off from his new job - again. Urgh. I feel SO guilty.

So I have no pre-op. A new doctor I've never even met, and they haven't even given me the paperwork for the pre-op prep for tomorrow. Tomorrow!?!? So now I have to race around and cancel other doctors appointments for Friday. Reschedule with my therapist, plus get scripts and the good Lord only knows what else. Tomorrow! Oh, wait, plus make sure my insurance is preauthorizing the whole shebang, and that's always a great time, chilling to their horrible music and ads while you're on hold for 45 minutes. Sigh.

And I wonder why I have panic attacks before surgery.

I hate my body right now, almost as much as I hate doctors. All I know is pain. Just pain and the fear, no knowledge, that more pain is on its way. I don't know what's worse. The pain or the knowledge that there will only be more of it.