I have an unusual anxiety hurt pain. Not anxiety actually it doesn't linger like anxiety does. It's just general hurt and grief of some form.

It's just me feeling worthless that some girl thinks other people are better than me. I don't have a complex that every girl should fall for me. No I don't want that and I'm definitely not that. I just feel like I'm very tired of being put down by other women whether they were serious or joking a lot. I'm sick of girls treating me like **** over my looks whether it's real or perceived. I just can fix some of this issue, but not all of it.

How would you feel if people called you ugly every day or that you were worthless?

How would you handle it better?

You probably say not worry what other people say, but that's not what I'm going for at all.

I don't actually I see a therapist for this, a lot because of a painful guilty feeling I have all the time. Feeling like I'm a bad person no one should love me. Always being put second to last was the worst feeling every day and still is. You know when people ask why did you take so long being single. I didn't make the choice so much really as much as I choose to the first year and a half tried to get around that was very unsuccessful every time. It only taught how to be better socially with generally anyone or being mindful of myself and others and listening to others opinions and accepting or commenting on them acknowledging them stuff like that.

I just hate it when some girl comes up to me and it's happened a lot to ask for advice about a boyfriend or some guy they like. I intentionally gotten so fed up. I literally either act disinterested if I have a crush on them or I show I don't care by either telling them and being nice giving them a short answer and not to bother me or completely ignore them. I can't stand how someone brags about someone else, I know how that feels to another girl I am not interested in. Surely most definitely didn't I just describe it. I know it's a fact of life how it is.

I'm just more angry how I can't have one person just once, but other people get all the opportunity and either screw it up or throw it away or take it to enjoy whatever. It's very much like I'm describing real connections. I'm the most disconnected person in my circle of all my friends. Partly is my choice the other part I don't know how to do it.

Both have hurt every opportunity and it's all down the tubes faster than most. People who are less skilled in whatever or better equipped than me do better. What gives?

This has been going on for many years. I've decided how much it's hurt me what I want is really putting a damper on even caring about anything with relationships with people period. Then people like on here or everywhere else who don't know jump to the conclusion of just letting it go. If I could I wouldn't bring it up now. I don't want the advice it's just feels like a big **** you. It doesn't feel like it's considerate only empty.I truly look past what most people can't, but most people don't anyways so I'm the odd one out. Because of that, my punishment people call me stupid a lot or try to mess with me. I don't get picked on and take it, I actually am very persuasive and can mess with people and I'm very good at tearing someone down as much as bringing them up.

If I dated someone for over 5 years and they are hurting my trust I will bring it back in their face so hard and I will demand my answers very quickly if I immediately get the slightest uncertainty. I won't hesitate to break off anyone I see fit to. I don't find weakness in others that choose to be either a lazy friend lover or just don't care about other people. I'll call them out even if it hurts me tell them how ****** they are because they need to hear it and if no one else tells em I will. I am the few types of people who do that and go threw with it that's why I'm good with advice, but that's not the only way I do that.

I give out trust to earn. I only give it when EARNED never in the first weeks or the first months even or the first year or 2. If someone was so set on making something last with me they better be prepared because it won't be easy and it will be hard for both of us. I'm going to work with someone else, but they have to on every level make certain I won't lose my footing. That's all I needed and want. I only wanted someone to keep me on balance. In my head it's like I never had my mom basically teach any important skill other work related and school. My parents were always distant I never felt affection much ever after my grandma was in the hospital and died horribly from alzhiemers in front of me over years.

I still needed that hero I was so desperately seeking all my life not to save me, but to just guide me to save myself. If you were wondering what I was really looking for in another person it's that. Only that.

Yes I do value looks just only in the start that's all.