I am really struggling and don't know what to do. Every day my suicide thoughts get worse. Today it has been close to the point of where it was constantly on my mind. I have thought of a number of ways to kill myself and think I have decided on one. It is just I am not 100% certain that's what I want to do. I do know that I no longer want to live. So if I died, through no direct fault of my own, on my way home tonight that wouldn't be a bad thing.

Do not tell me to goto an ER or a mental hospital until I feel safe. I haven't felt safe in a long time. A hospital of any kind won't keep me safe. I have thought of 3 ways to kill myself inside a mental hospital. So I am no safer there than I am on the outside.

The one thing that helps me more than anything else is regularity. Going into work everyday and doing my job making money, doing the choirs around the house. When I can't do this I feel worthless & it just makes things so much worse.