Rainbow's post made me think of the term "honeymoon period." My T was very gentle and understanding with me, and so very patient, the first 4 months I was with her. She saw how hard I was struggling....so 5 months in, she started sitting by me and putting her arm around me when I was having a rough time. That's when she started throwing out the word "love," and she'd give me long, rocking, healing hugs...she was very different than she is now. That all lasted another 5 months. That's when everything stopped abruptly, and she changed. Demeanor, everything. Made me think she consulted with someone, who told her to stop doing what she was doing.

When I questioned her about her abrupt changes, she said she could see I was struggling, and she stepped outside of her comfort zone to do these things which she thought might help earn my trust. Ended up, she was right. I did learn to trust her, feel a deep connection with her, and when she felt the trust was there, she stopped the act. Well, the trust stopped too. Been spending too much time scanning the horizon to see what she may change next, on a whim. She says nothing, but so much already has. When she said she did it to earn my trust, I mentioned feeling tricked, scammed, "bait and switch." None of it was genuine, because she had a motive. You just don't DO that to people! Especially those who have been dealing with complex PTSD for half of their lifespan, and in their first "real" go at therapy. I chose a psychologist over an LCSW or something like that, and I chose a psychologist with over 20 years in the field, because I knew I might need someone with plenty of experience behind them. I knew it wouldn't be fair to either me or my future T to see a newbie, because I knew talking and trusting would not come easy for me, and I wanted to try to ensure I had someone who could take it.

I am just a firm believer in having your boundaries and sticking to them. Don't step outside the box if you don't intend to let it run its course. This one act by my T has set me back a great deal, far worse than I was before I started therapy. And now I'm going to try a second therapist to see if she can help me fix it. Some of us just can't take those drastic changes, the rejection, and it just triggers a lot of bad stuff that already happened. And magnifies it. So oftentimes, it ends up being even more than it just appears on the outside.