I've been with my boyfriend now for 4 1/2 months. I've shared some of my issues in this relationship here and have been able to work through them just fine. Now I have another.

He has an extremely stressful job in the mental health field. He loves it for the most part, but he lets the stress of it get to him. He also doesn't take care of himself as far as sleep goes....refusing to even try to start getting to bed earlier. He goes to bed at around midnight, and sometimes manages to make it to work by 8, but usually he snoozes for awhile and makes it in between 8 and 9. Luckily its ok for him to not arrive right at 8, because he's a supervisor and often stays a little past 5.

So it seems like he's getting 8 hours but he's not because sleep gets broken up by snoozing. He's been exhausted this week. He also rarely eats lunch, so he doesn't eat anything until we eat AFTER our meeting.

Tuesday it got to the point where I just got so frustrated after I asked him in text how he was doing and he reaplied yet again "Freakin tired." I'm getting sick of hearing it because he doesn't do anything about getting more sleep. Its causing him to be extremely negative about just about everything and it was starting to wear on me. He felt bad about it and made an effort to be more himself Wednesday night after I said I missed him. Because I do miss him even though I see him every day. Its like he's a shell of himself, rarely laughing anymore and just about everything gets an expletive, even sports games.

He said the only thing that will make it better is a vacation, which he's taking the first week of September.

My frustration is this: If I were miserable because I was exhausted, I'd make an effort to get more sleep. I'd make myself eat lunch. I wouldn't like being so miserable so I'd do something about it. He doesn't.....he just lives with it....and I said I don't think I'd ever get used to it, he said I'd have to. That this is a routine with him with his job.

I don't think I should have to get used to this. I said I'd have to start keeping a distance when he gets like this because its too hard on me.

I guess for me, I live a solution based life today. When I've got something making me miserable, I take steps to correct it. I didn't get sober to be miserable. Its hard because he's coming up on 10 years of sobriety and I have two. (I know this isn't the alcohol forum, but I had to give some background) So because of the difference in our sober time, I feel like he shrugs me off when I tell him to stay positive....but that's what we do to stay sober....he seems to think that everyone with that amount of time just accepts being miserable. I hope I never get that way.

Anyway, the reason I brought this to the women's forum is because I need experience strength and hope and suggestions from other women who have boyfriend's or spouses who bring their work home with them (not literally, but just bringing the exaustion and stress home with them).

How does it affect your relationship? What did you do about it? In good times and bad......I know.....but my struggle is that for the first time since I fell in love with him, I'm questioning whether I can put up with this for the rest of my life. I really thought he was the man I was going to marry and live happily ever after and having these doubts about his moods because of work is freaking me out.

Sorry this is so long. I love him and I want to be able to manage this, if I can.

Help?