I am going through so much. My OCD affects so many things, that I can barely do anything. I can't even relieve my anxiety easily. For instance, a cool cloth on my forehead can help my anxiety, but then I have to go through washing my hands and often my arms, and that stresses me out. The simplest things are hard for me.

I've weaned off my meds, so sick of the side effects and risks, and now the anxiety is really kicking in, as I expected it to. But I have no one I can lean on in real life, and that makes it extra hard. I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic attack.

I haven't slept well the past couple of days, because I keep waking up, overheated and panicky, and it's difficult to breathe when I lay down, causing further anxiety.

As I posted in the General section, we don't have TV right now, and I'm used to having the TV to relax me. Substitutes aren't really enough. (See the thread for more info.)

I want to cry so bad, but crying means having to wash my hands, because the tears make me feel "dirty." I can't cry in front of people, because they feel burdened by me (my bf has said so), and I stress them out. Plus, they would rather I go back on the meds, not caring what the meds do to me or how they make me feel. They only care what makes it easier for them.

I get so stressed out trying to research alternatives, and nutrition, and trying to stick to healthier eating is hard. I really love sugar.

Just needed to vent right now. I'll post more later.