I don't think you're scared to get better, maybe you're just caught in a cycle. I feel like I'm always battling my anxiety. If I stop working on it and start coasting then I get swept up in worry again. Some times I'm so disappointed by it that it makes me depressed and I don't want to pick myself up and try again. That's my cycle.

And I don't know what recovery would look like for me. I also can't imagine it. Partly because when I'm not vigilant, I go back to worry. I've wondered if I've reverted too far back, my coping tools are too dull, I have to start all over again, etc. Maybe that's my recovery - constant vigilance? But that definitely sounds like it would keep me from leading a natural, spontaneous life.

My outlook is: I'm always a work in progress. I can accept that.