I love where I live now, it's just too expensive. Being forced to move is not exciting, and yet people always suggest this. People assume change is exciting, but for someone with anxiety issues change is stressful. People always comment that my places are homey and comfortable and nicely decorated. It's just something I do not some big exciting adventure, and especially not without much money. Moving is just about the most stressful activity in my life, even more so than starting a new job.

I think I didn't really identify the root of the problem about the holidays and something that has come up in other threads, and that is, the holidays force us to think about dysfunctional families, and being nice to people in our families who may have abused us in the past. I received a letter from such a person yesterday, and I think the last time I heard from them was a postcard last Christmas. My family's biggest dysfunction is that people are very abusive and then pretend nothing happened and years later even deny it. It would be so great to do Christmas without the memories. Maybe meditation is bringing up stuff...