I have had 3 major experiences in my life with mental illness. I am Borderline and have had major depression off & on since I was about 16 yrs old. I am now 58. My first experience was a depression diagnosis, Parents didn't believe in mental health. I didn't tell anyone about being molested. was put on medication, but my parents didn't allow me to continue care. my second experience was brought out when I had a baby with and married a guy who liked to come home and That's when the BPD was diagnosis'd along with major depression & PTSD. I was hospitalized a few times along with IOP and medication. A divorce, a new job and about 4 yrs of medication and therapy. and life was ok again. I had a pretty normal life that got even better when I was promoted and relocated with the company I worked for. I remarried and life was wonderful for about 19 yrs. Then company closed down the office that I worked in and I became unemployed that started my 3rd episode. Many other things continued to happen that negatively impacted my life situation. that was 2005 I crashed big time, talk about hitting Rock bottom. don't even know how much time I spent in the hospitals. I was an accountant and now I can barely handle my own checking account because of the damage I've caused to my mind and body. I have up and downs. it seems that now the downs don't go as far and the ups come up farther each time. I am having difficulty with the same questions, what does my life goal look like. I don't have an answer, I had 19 wonderful years of an almost perfect life and I would LOVE to have that back again. that's not a possibility. I can't work, so I hang around home. I am better than I was in 2005/2008 but my memory doesn't work right. Being on a fixed income doesn't allow me to do much to meet other people and do things.