I know I don't come here that often and when I do I feel like I'm vomiting words and I apologize, but life has just been pretty chaotic.

I shared in another thread that I found a really good therapist. I feel extremely comfortable with him. I've been in therapy before (it's been a while) and of course I always got the impression that the therapists really wanted to help, but not only does he want to HELP, he gives off a feeling of CARING. Turns out he used to be a pastor so he has a calmness that draws me in and allows me to open up. To be fair, I'm not THAT difficult to get to open up, but I'd say I've covered quite a lot of ground in 2 months.

OK so now the reason I'm here. Last week he asked to think about what I want to work on. I want to get the most bang for my buck and I have to admit I was having a hard time figuring out exactly how to focus on THE THING that should make life into something that other people would consider "normal." Honestly I don't feel like normal is even in my time zone, let alone vicinity. I feel like constant dysfunction and I truly had no idea where to start.

I will say that the reason I sought therapy at this time was due to my sanity quiz highlighting Borderline which I had never been diagnosed with.

So I point blank asked him today if he had formulated a diagnosis. I feel like doctors and therapists are usually hesitant to let us in on the secret or is that only my experience? When I would explain to my shrink about how my ADD was hampering my life he'd tell me it's not always my ADD. Wasn't big on labels.

I asked already preparing myself to not get a straight answer and I do understand the why for that but figured I'd ask anyway. So he wouldn't SAY, but he was explaining that he listens and looks for trends and patterns.

When I told him that I had possibly come up with what I thought we should be focused on in therapy I then asked him how close I was.

This is when he brought up about the trends etc. and he said that he thought the thing that would benefit me the most would be to work on regulating my emotions. I was about to say, "Isn't that what my Bipolar meds are for?" but then I remembered that's another name for BPD.

So without FORCING him to say the words as he seems hesitant to do, it does sound like that's what he's suggesting, no? Once I'd seen characteristics I saw me ALL DAY LONG. It's funny b/c I often take things literally so that whole fear of abandonment was so NOT ME. Why? Because I will drop you in a heartbeat. Of course then I realize that's my way of making sure I don't get abandoned.

OK. so anyway - by him going into the whole patterns trends and saying that he thinks we need to work on regulating my emotions, it does sound like the unofficial BPD dx, no?

I appreciate hearing all of your experiences. ESPECIALLY with HEARING your diagnosis. Like did they come out and tell you? I truly didn't know my Bipolar diagnosis until I asked for a form to be filled out for Family Leave. I figured I was Bipolar II. Nothing extreme, but I got this "mixed manic" thing going on.

Just want to hear your experiences. Thanks.