Therapy has to end because I don't have enough money to continue, and I've been seeing her for 1 1/2 years already. To be honest, I think that I've gotten about as far as I can with her. Not that that makes her a bad therapist. I think she's fantastic and I would highly recommend her.

You are right, it is an attempt to protect myself by detaching from her. I feel like I don't know how not to detach from her. We've done a lot of work around my attachment issues, but they keep rearing their ugly heads. We've also talked about my attachment to her, my transference issues, how much I'm going to miss her when therapy is done, and how hard it's going to be for me to say goodbye. Right now the focus is on ending therapy, and how to do that in a way that will be good for me. And my therapist also astutely and gently told me that I've never had a good ending in any kind of relationship, and that is why I am so afraid therapy is also going to end badly. I think I need to tell her some of the stuff I wrote in my original post, but what with Christmas and New Year's it's going to be 3 whole weeks. When I think of that, because of my abandonment issues, it's sort of triggering my PTSD. I can feel myself starting to go somewhere else in my mind again, or maybe it would be better to say somewhere out of my mind, so I don't have to feel the terror of being alone. I guess it's practice for when I won't be seeing her anymore. Sorry for being so long winded about it all.