I'm going to respond based on only reading through to your 3rd paragraph.... (and unless you go on to say that something in these first three paragraphs is a lie, my opinion will stand).

I honestly don't believe that ex's are ex's for a reason, and once you break up with someone, you should leave this person in your past because of the potential for such a relationship to cause problems in your future relationships with a partner. (Of course, if kids are involved, it is indeed best to have a parenting sort of relationship for the sake of the kids, but nothing more.) Keeping an ex in your life, for any reason, is a recipe for disaster. I think that many people would indeed have some sort of jealousy issue or problem with a partner who refuses to move on from an ex completely. Why? Because someone has had a high level of intimacy with an ex, so the potential to slip up and fall back into a relationship is also higher. (Emotional affair?....yeah.)

Ok, so I just read the rest of your post....

This is TOTAL bs! Ok, here's what you need to know about women....Yeah, we know how to put a guy in his place when we don't *want* the attention, the comments, and so on.....What I'm trying to say is that there is some sort of pay off that she's getting from all of this. Maybe she likes all of the attention? Maybe she never fully got over him? Who knows. What I do know is that she's not putting your feelings first in all of this. She's completely disregarding you. I don't think I'd want a partner who has such wonky boundaries and allows other people to talk to her this way. I'm female and I would never accept a guy who would continue to let an ex talk to him so flirtatiously. Just joking? It isn't just joking.....nobody (and I do mean nobody) acts like that and says it isn't flirting, its just joking. Uhm, DUH, that's what flirting is, right? (Who is she kidding?) Yes, it is indeed flirting and if she won't put up boundaries with this guy....Watch out.