I used to fantasize about suicide all the time, but I never thought I could do it.

When I was very depressed in 2000, I was upset to learn about plans to build a fence to prevent people from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. It wasn't clear if they had built this fence yet or not, so I drove an hour to San Francisco to see for myself. When I arrived, I was relieved to see that there was no fence, and I felt so peaceful and happy. I stood there looking down at the water thinking about how I always had wanted to kill myself from early childhood and I always had been terrified of heights and jumping off this bridge was obviously what I had been meant to do my entire life.

I stayed there in a state of peace and calm until I was startled to see a security person in a golf cart parked a few feet behind me. I suddenly felt ashamed and went back to the parking area. A tourist from Europe had put money in my meter to prevent me from getting a ticket LOL.

That wasn't a suicide attempt, but the state of mind scared me afterwards.