Hey,

I'm here *partly* because my sister was diagnosed as bipolar I about 10 years ago. I'm also here because I have a pdoc appointment in January to be assessed myself. My Mom has been urging me to get checked out since my sister was diagnosed and Mom was all "OMG. YOU GUYS DO ALL THE SAME STUFF." I'm not 100% sure if my problem is bp or ADHD (my sister has both) or both. I don't feel like my condition is as bad as my sister's, but at the same time, I've built my life around coping mechanisms that most people find... unusual, I guess.

Don't get me wrong, I've been to see a pdoc when things in my life have gotten out of hand, but every time I go, there seems to be a LEGIT reason that I just can't function.

The first time I went in my late 20's, it turned out that I had hypothyroidism, and I dove into getting that sorted out. While I was immersed in that, everything else got better. (But the original problems were that I couldn't sleep and I sometimes couldn't READ.)

The second time I went was when I was pregnant three years later. Pregnancy does wacky stuff to your hormones, so believing that your fetus is trying to kill you and having very explicit thoughts about... ... It can happen to normal people, I'm sure. Well, I was sure. Anyway, I just had to get through the time served and NOT do anything rash. And I did, and my daughter is lovely. I've decided that I will NEVER be pregnant again, though.

The third time I went was three years later, and again because I was having trouble staying asleep, I couldn't eat, and sometimes I couldn't read. My thoughts were disjointed and I couldn't feel my legs. I stopped going to the pdoc because my PCP determined that I had pernicious anemia and very low serum B12. When we started treating that, most of the symptoms improved immediately.

BUT... I still have unexplained periods of extreme productivity and extreme lack of function. I read all this stuff about bipolar disorder for my sister and everything is described as "happy" or "sad." My friends describe me as "stoic." I don't really emote much either way. I describe my ups and downs as "productive" or "scattered."

Anyway, I'm finally at a point where I feel kind of... Level. My daughter is eventually going to want some kind of accurate medical history, so at this point, I feel like I have the support I need to see a pdoc and be *honest* and find out what he thinks. My coping skills work pretty well, but sometimes I think it would be nice if I could just take a pill that helped me sleep more than 4 hours, instead of working out enough that my body falls down and stays down.

So, that's me.

Nice to meet you all.

MJ