Been feeling like **** the last couple days. I've been having doubts about getting married because I feel like my fiance couldn't be happy with me forever. Sometimes I think I'd be better off on my own, but then I remember how incapable I am of taking care of myself... I don't want him to feel trapped. I think on some level I feel trapped because I know I need him, even though I'd never even consider leaving him because I love him too much. It's a weird feeling, I don't know what to make of it. I think if I keep trying to pull myself together and eventually am able to help more I'll feel a lot better. But I don't know if I'll ever get to that point... and that scares me. I've always wanted to be independent, and now it seems like that's completely impossible. I feel sick with myself. I feel like I try so hard and I have nothing to show for it, and I wonder if I'll ever amount to anything.