As far as the benzos and opiates go, I was the same way. until VERY recently. I decided to stop taking my prescribed Suboxone, although I never took anything that heavy before. I went into a major depression. I couldn't stop crying. I was convinced my boyfriend was going to leave me. I thought my depression worsened and became "Sucie" and my mind was all over the place. It was like My mind was a puzzle that someone crushed into 1000 pieces. Thank goodness I had a therapist appointment. Instead of putting me in the hospital, She said that it was not me. That perhaps my addiction was numbing me for so long that I couldn't make sense of my sober self. I've only been sober about a month. I just wanted to write and say I know how you must be feeling. Sobriety is a struggle like nothing I've ever dealt with, but I wish you the best. oh and relapse happens, don't beat yourself up about it