Hi,

I have this friend that I haven't talked to in almost five months. She spent the first half of this year abroad and after she came back, I noticed I was always the one calling her to ask how she was doing and arranging for us to meet. She didn't contact me once.

In the end, I decided I wasn't going to contact her either. For a long time, even before her trip, I'd had my suspicions that she didn't even like me because I don't do positive thinking the way she does. When I'm sad or whatever, I believe in feeling it and dealing with it instead of trying to find the positive in it so I don't have to feel difficult emotions. I've also been battling physical illness for a couple of years and have a hard time leaving my house. I felt she was bored of me.

The other day, out of the blue, she called and said she had a Christmas present for me, and could we meet. I felt like saying no but didn't want her to feel like her present would go to waste, so agreed.

I'm nervous about seeing her. I feel our friendship has been a bit of a power trip where she's had the upper hand and I've been too nice for my own good. I've always had trouble expressing my needs for fear of upsetting others. I'm sure this goes back to my childhood where my controlling mother made sure I couldn't have a 'myself', be my own person with my own needs, wants, thoughts and feelings.

I'm not sure if I want to be friends with this person anymore. She laughs at other people's weaknesses, which for me, is a complete no-no. I also don't want her running rings around me anymore. I don't get why I used to regard her as my best friend! I would have done anything for her, but she never gave as much back. Also, I find it weird she's got this present for me now after months of not contacting me at all even though she knows I'm ill and could have used all the friends I could get. But I guess, like I said, that's the problem - to her, I'm a bore :P

I suppose I'll just have see what she wants and try to have the courage to assert myself if need be..