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Originally Posted by LenoraThompson
Hello,
I'm new here and would greatly appreciate insight into a phenomenon I call "living symbolically."
Growing up in a narcissistic/codependent family, we behave as if everything were PERFECT at all times. Happy. Never irritable. No boundaries. No anger.
But, things were far from perfect. Itf's so ingrained, even to this day. It's only at moments of extreme upset that I feel life is real. Sometimes, it's as though I'm seeing myself clearly for the first time. Very difficult to describe.
Is this dissociation or just being an actress/living in my head?
Thanks!
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Being raised by a narcissist can lead one to dissociate for survival. It's a matter of degree. Based on what you describe, it does not meet DSM diagnostic criteria, but that doesn't mean you aren't dissociating. And these sorts of things are hard to describe. A professional could talk with you to ascertain more specific aspects of your experience that might align with some diagnosis. But do you need that to take care of yourself now? What would you gain by learning that your experience was dissociation?