I'm very sorry that you had to live that way as a family dynamic, ours were kind of the same, but with elements of great fear. It's scary to live under the thumb of a "psychopath", or one with over the top values and expectations. To me, that's every bit the mental/emotional abuse one doesn't need to suffer from, especially while growing up. It puts misplaced emphasis on the one that's the real sick one.

Please forgive me if I got this wrong. It's the only way that I can relate because we grew up with lots of conditioning....if you don't behave a certain way according to how they think, then reap the consequences. Through all this I've been fragmented. I don't know how it was for you, like did you get yelled at for being "imperfect"? Sounds like it can be traumatic to me, enough to cause some level of dissociation, especially if it was habitual.

When I dissociate, my mind goes blank and dazed and I seperate myself from reality, not on purpose like, but it just happens like shock hits a person. It's more than tuning yourself out because there is a lot of fear involved.

Anyhow, I don't know if that helps any, but if this condition or behavior is affecting your life in anyway, please talk to a counselor or therapist. Good luck!