Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
I'm interested in hearing what his response to your clarification was, and if you're both now on the same page. Are you feeling OK about the situation now?
You don't sound like a disposable person at all. Anyone who values friendships would value someone like you. The fact that you sent your online friend cards/flowers shows how much you care. People who care are actually quite hard to come by these days. Try to think in more positive terms about yourself.
What is it about the way she acts that makes you feel as if you don't exist? Maybe she's going through a hard time too, but isn't the type to communicate that. Losing people you love is hard; losing them abruptly and in such circumstances is something I wouldn't even want to think about. Can you imagine how something like that could impact your life? Things you said or didn't say, regrets, plans you had together, etc. Everyone deals with situations differently, and some better than others. Her not talking to you as much doesn't mean you're less of a person, or disposable. It probably has very little, if not nothing, to do with you.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to form close relationships with work colleagues. I imagine it could cause issues in the future. If he is someone you see outside of work (meaning, he is your friend by choice, and not someone who is forced to interact with you due to work) then MAYBE? I don't know. Maybe someone else here can offer some advice.
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My online friend told me he wasn't taking it personally. Just stating facts. And that I need to do what I need to do. But he'll still be friends with me. I've felt weird about him ever since he confessed to being jealous of me. We played the same character and he said everyone likes me better, and that I do better at portraying the character than him, and he should delete and so on. And I felt so horrible because it seemed like my fault he was feeling that way. He was jealous of how popular I was. I use to be really popular, but after I came out of my hypomania, people started acting like I didn't exist. You're fun when you're hypomaniac. When you're depressed? Not so much. And I was very open with everyone about what was going on, and friends just abandoned ship. I have serious abandonment issues, and that's why I feel disposable. I've been ditched by people I cared about a hell of a lot. Abruptly. Sometimes without explanation, leaving me feeling like I had done something horribly wrong and could never figure out what.
After my ex-gf in 2009, I just kind of shut down. I can't let people close anymore. Or I feel like I can't. Its like waiting for be screwed over and hurt. People really need to prove themselves to me in order for them to win my trust. Most people fail to do that. So I don't have a lot of close friends. At all. I use to, back when I was in college I had a lot of friends. But after my psychotic break, moving back north and back in with my parents, I lost connection with all my friends in this area. So I no longer know anyone. I don't know how to meet people outside of work. Because I don't drive, I can't just get up and go somewhere. So online friends are the most accessible. That's all I really have. I can't even manage those friendships.
