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Originally Posted by yagr
Everything you've said makes sense in context. Your fears are reasonable for a person who has lived your life. But at the end of the day, all we have is now. Fear or no fear, if that day ever comes, you will likely be in just as difficult a spot as you imagine. Don't imagine the nightmare so vividly that you live it before it happens...if it happens at all.
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If only I didn't have such a vivid imagination, this would probably be easier. But anyway, I understand what you're saying from a logical point of view about being in the now. I wish I was better at that, but like I said I have a vivid imagination. I guess when you want something badly enough but don't have 100% control over whether you get it or not it's maddening.
I grew up seeing that my dad was just really good at what he did and despite him not being particularly gifted socially, was able to always have a job and had employers begging him to come work for him. And so I believed (and he still believes) that if you work hard and you're one of the best at what you do, jobs will find you. And so I was never taught social skills because they were deemed unnecessary.
Also, thank you for sharing that note. My boyfriend sent me one similar. It's not nearly as poetic as yours but he's a poet with his horn, not his words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Permacultural
Doctoral programs are a royally unnatural, anxiety inducing alternate universe. You do things and say things that later you will ask, "how the F did I survive it?" Because of the prolonged effects of several years worth of stress, get something.. Anything.. That allows you to veg out. Even if isn't a direct super high position.
Getting a doctorate opens a new door. But once you walk through that door, you need to hang in there and send out as many job applications as possible. Some will take a chance because you won't command as much of a salary as someone starting out as a seasoned full professor. Some won't call you back. Some will. Either way, the most important thing is to ace the interview.
Seriously, you need to relax. Don't get too far ahead of yourself and start thinking years in the future. Once you are able to truly relax without having deadlines for about 6 months, you will be start to feel somewhat normal. I've been through it, so I can say that I know how you feel.
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I know I need to relax…I would relax more if I saw my peers getting jobs after getting their doctorates instead of being forced back into their old jobs.
Maybe it's like this in other fields, but there's usually 90-100 applicants and 3 will get an interview which involves interviews/presentations in front of the administration, the faculty, and the students over multiple days. That's at a big school which I would have zero chance of even getting an interview at until I've had at least 20-30 years of professional experience. And the issue with small schools or schools in the middle of nowhere is it's difficult to have a second job/performing career if you're not in or near a city. There's just too much to worry about with this. I just don't have the name recognition or the networking/social skills to make it anywhere.
If I had an extensive support system or knew how this game worked, I wouldn't worry that much. If one opportunity fell through, I'd have the knowledge and support to find another one. But right now I don't.