Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
Based on what you've said, it does sound like your friend has some issues too. That doesn't sound like "normal" behavior. And if that is the case, then I think it's important you try accept that to some degree and adjust your expectations. The same way you would hope your friends would for you, knowing that you're going through a hard time. But it all needs to be balanced, you don't want people to take advantage of you. I think it's important to try and establish what is/isn't acceptable behavior, otherwise you're going to attract the wrong kinds of people into your life. And I sense you're the type of person who would end up blaming yourself for each of these failed relationships, which will make you feel even worse.
What's your plan of action to try and work on some of these issues? Have you discussed this with your therapist?
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I didn't consider seeing it that way. I know both of my friends I mentioned are going through something...one is depressed, one is dealing with loss. I cut more slack to the one dealing with loss due to her horrible circumstances. But I don't often open up my heart. I told my grieving friend how much she meant to me, and how sorry I was for her losses. There really wasn't any reaction to that, she just changed the topic. Which left me feeling that I don't mean the same to her as she means to me, and if that's the case, I'm investing way too much into a relationship that isn't really deep. When I try to talk to her, she usually pushes me away. Which is exactly what I would probably do too, so I'm not being harsh or accusing her of anything. I guess I wish there was more I could do for her, but it really is out of my hands. She was starting to behave this way before she lost her family members though. I don't know. I'm not sure how to be a good friend in this situation and what I should or shouldn't do. What to expect or not expect. What's normal and what isn't normal. If I'm doing something that's making her push me away, should I just drop the friendship altogether and move on? Or should I be persistent and supportive regardless?
As for these issues. I'm starting EMDR treatment and DBT therapy soon. I can work on these things while doing DBT. But I haven't seen my therapist in three weeks, and won't see her until the 24th. I really only see her twice a month, though there was confusion about the time of my last appointment. She wrote down 1:30 on my card when it was at 1:00 so I showed up at 1:30 and they said I was too late. And I had an emotional meltdown in the car, because I'm in a really bad place at the moment. I did get to talk to her over the phone. She hasn't given me a lot of direction as far as relationships go. But I did get a book on BPD that covers relationship issues, and other book that covers them as well, and about how to have a healthy one. Since my therapist isn't readily available all the time (not her fault) I thought I could teach myself some things through books.