I've been talking to my therapist for almost 5 months about this. I smoked weed in July and my paranoia came back. This all happened when I had my mental breakdown. I met a girl online and drove an hour and a half to her house and we smoked a ton of weed and then I slept with her and then I thought she poisoned me so I left and drove on this highway really high having delusions and hallucinations. I used to be severely paranoid last December and I thought that gangs were after me, that the cartel was after me, that people were going to kill me, I thought people were going to poison my food at grocery stores, my Mom was drinking something one time and I almost threw it in the street because I thought these people poisoned it and were going to kill her, this one time I sat in my room watching the cars drive up and down my street and thought every single car was going to kill me because I thought I did something terribly wrong at that girl's house. I thought she was part of a gang or something. I thought she was going to kidnap me and kill me, I also thought she was going to find my license and drive all the way to my home and kidnap and kill my mom at 1 am. It's insane what your mind can do to you. I first met my 1st psychiatrist last December and I thought he was a drug lord. It all sounds crazy but that's what happens when you have a psychotic disorder. I don't even know what would happen if I was off medicine. I probably would be paranoid all the time. I was paranoid for a month straight when I wasn't on any medicine.

I saw Star Wars and I liked it but some of the movie scared me. Some parts people would follow people and the movie would play intense music and it scared me. I think it scared me because I thought people were after me last year and that was mainly what my paranoia was about. Sometimes when I get paranoid now I think people are following me. Idk, some movies scare me because I get scared easily now. I'm 22 by the way and I used to never be scared of movies. Horror movies made me laugh but now PG-13 movies scare me. I basically live in a lot of fear which f*cking sucks. I used to not really be afraid of that much besides flying. That's a long story too. I've just been through so much in my life. I've been through traumatic events and a lot of bullying and neglect from my father.

After I left the movie I saw an ambulance and the lights were going on and it reminded me of a traumatic event after my breakdown and then I drove home and I got a little paranoid. I had some paranoid thoughts that people were following me, that I was going to get a ticket from running a red light but there weren't any cameras or cops so I was fine. It just is really frustrating and I wish I could live in peace.