Hello Kymaro: I read your post. Unfortunately I don't know as I have any useful suggestions for you. This seems to be to be a no-win situation. You're helping to care for your grandma in your mother's home & your mother's actions are toxic for you. Your grandma is, from the sound of it, happy & well cared for. So that's not an issue. And you're not willing to stop going over & helping out. It seems there is simply no solution.

My initial thought would be for you to establish some clear & firm boundaries with your mother. However, in order to make this effective, you would need to be willing to walk away if & when she transgresses them. And, from what you wrote, it sounds like you are unwilling to do this. The only other thing that occurs to me is to try to arrange things so that both you & your mother are not at the house at the same time if that would be possible. And perhaps try to do what you can, such as making phone calls to schedule appointments, away from your mother's home.

I wish you the best as you continue to try to navigate this difficult situation.