I've actually been feeling quite happy about Christmas for once. Now that I don't expect anything from my family, I'm much happier than before when I was constantly disappointed. I've learned to find what makes me smile and ignore much of my fam's craziness.

However, it's little things that remind me of what I'm missing out on. Just now, an actor I follow on twitter tweeted about having a great night at his sister's for an early Christmas drink, and how 'family is the one'. Then in the comment section one person said 'nothing better than family get togethers', and the corners of my mouth instantly dropped down to my knees..

I'm really sad I can't have the kind of family I'd like.. We'll never be close as they can't handle emotions, are disinterested, feel threatened by my true self.. My mum asks me what I want for Christmas and when I tell her, she goes, 'Really, are you sure? Are you sure you don't want something else..' Like, WTF?!

My brother's pretty decent but I've never been that close to him either. He explains my parents' craziness away with 'hard times make us who we are' while I'm thinking I'd be much better off had those hard times been good, easy, light times..

My dad just doesn't give a toss.

I'm still going to go there on Christmas Eve because it's better than sitting on my own at home, but I find it really quite sad that the living thing I'm most (or at all) excited to see is our cat. She's wonderful, though, my best friend and it'll be lovely spending Christmas with her

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat. Maybe we can share our angst in this thread Let's sail these blue seas together