People are always so quick to point out my behavior. To put me down. Tell me its in my head or whatever. And I feel like saying, "Lets talk about YOUR behavior, and how its affecting ME." But I never say that. I just bite my tongue, bear it and lie about getting upset at all because I'm non-confrontational. Not only did that friend ditch me today, but a different friend ditched me the other night. She was like, "Oh I am so sorry you're going through this. I will call later." So after work I texted her to let her know I was available and she never responded. And that is pretty much the story of my life right there. If I tell someone I'm going to do something? I. DO. IT. Even if I don't want to. Unless something else comes up. Then I COMMUNICATE my inability to follow through and make different arrangements. Because that's being considerate and courteous. I'm so tired of people being inconsiderate toward me when I go out of my way to be a thoughtful considerate person to other people. And like...get nothing for it. Not that I'm perfect. HELL NO. I am not perfect. But I make the effort because other people are worth it.

Maybe they shouldn't be. Maybe I care too much and I'm too kind. I just get tired of getting burnt, abandoned, ditched, ignored, lied to and used. My emotions came back and I am really angry right now and I don't even care if its irrational. I get tired of people not empathizing with me, or confirming my feelings. Its always, "No. They did it because of this and you're taking it too personal." And its like...WOW I feel like **** and you're telling me I'm taking things too personal with a very judgmental tone? Why can't anyone say, "Wow, I would feel that way too." That would be nice to hear every once in a while. That's what I say to other people, because I know the importance of validation. Instead people...okay family, they put me down. They make it all down on me instead of the person I'm complaining about like I don't have the right to complain at all when something annoys me.

And this is why I barely talk to anyone. I'm not allowed to have feelings. Or problems. Or get pissed and frustrated. Basically if someone else is hurting me, its my fault. Because I tell them to lie to me, and to ditch me. That makes SO much sense when clearly this is evidence of how much that behavior upsets me.

I'm done ranting now.