Quote:
Originally Posted by dancinglady
I felt exactly like you for years. I would go through almost the exact same experiences. One day I woke up and said with the help of oxycodone I just do not care about people their thoughts their feelings and their actions. I guess the pain just built up to a breaking point and I broke. I am off oxycodone now surgery and pain is done. The attitude however did not go away. I am much happier because no one affects me anymore. I just say I am good I look good I act okay and if someone does not like it oh well everyone has an opinion like they have a nose. It is what it is. Everything is as it should be. Our world is screwed up and there is nothing I can do about it but just live on the earth the best I can and then die when it is my time.
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But doesn't that mean you lose empathy? I've been working hard at being more empathic and understanding. Because empathy is really important. When I was dismissive of other people's feelings I was very self-absorbed and self-indulgant. What is the best way to be? Can I be both? If so, how? I'm tired of people triggering this horrible feelings in me, because then I have to cut them from my life. Then again, they might deserve it.
Really I've just come to realize that the friend who said they would call me? I don't mean HALF as much to her as she does to me. So I'm letting go and moving on. I know she's got some stuff going on, but she doesn't turn to me anyway, so its not like I'm lending a lot of support. I feel like I only exist when its convenient and well, that's not good enough for someone I feel to be a good, valued friend. She doesn't value me and nothing I do is going to change that. I'm starting to invest time with people who do honestly care about me and treat me like I'm a meaningful part of their existence.