OCD / PARANOIA HELL

I f I am honest; I have had OCD for many Years but have done nothing to address it. I noticed a few Years back, the situation was getting worse. I would have to check that taps were switched off. Doors locked time and time again, electrics off etc. Sometimes I would return home 10 miles into a journey because even though I shut the front door, I didn’t believe it so I would check and go home.

It has come to a crisis point in the last Month following an incident in my job. Fingers were pointing at me as a scape goat for the errors which involved a customer, the consequences of which could be terrible for the client and organisation. I was so worried and paranoid that I took matters into my own hands and tried to sort the mess out from home, all from and irrational chaotic thoughts that were racing in my mind.

I researched the internet and came to the conclusion that although my intentions were purely a mistake and error and that there were no malicious intentions, the law says that I should have known.

I have convinced myself that I am at least a criminal and will pay with blood.

Over the last Week, I have imagined the scenario of being arrested, taken to court and imprisoned. I fear that the client will sue me and I will lose my house, savings and pension.

Of course, nothing has happened yet and the chances are that nothing will come of it. However, this repetitive cycle of gloomy thoughts is playing over and over again, just like a ‘broken record’.

I feel that I may never know the outcome of these mistakes, until if and when someone comes knocking at my door.

I would be very grateful for any thoughts please

Thankyou