It is more comfortable to reject compliments? (It is risky to accept them...could be a game changer over time) This place of self-hatred, as bad as it feels, is also a place that you know, even nestle down into at times.
(I speak as someone who has spent long periods of time in a fetal position under blankets in the corner of a couch)...there is a piece of that that is safe, that is home...even though I know that I feel healthier, more alive, more intensely when I am active rather than passive....I think of an old Springsteen song "so I'm wandering/a loser down the track/ ...in the darkness I hear somebody calling my name..." *Streets Of Fire"....
Saying "yes" to the positive is scary. I mean, what if they laugh when you beam? What if they expect more of you? What if you get hurt? What if you hurt someone? Yikes, all kinds of things can go wrong...