Quote:
Originally Posted by LenoraThompson
Hello,
I'm new here and would greatly appreciate insight into a phenomenon I call "living symbolically."
Growing up in a narcissistic/codependent family, we behave as if everything were PERFECT at all times. Happy. Never irritable. No boundaries. No anger.
But, things were far from perfect. Itf's so ingrained, even to this day. It's only at moments of extreme upset that I feel life is real. Sometimes, it's as though I'm seeing myself clearly for the first time. Very difficult to describe.
Is this dissociation or just being an actress/living in my head?
Thanks!
|
I call it programming (or brain washing). The other called it "conditioning" (sugar coated), which sounds like the victim allowed it to happen on some small level whereas "programming" makes it sound like one had no choice in the matter and was made to endure.
That's what abusive parents do, they program their children through domination in a mean or stern way directly or indirectly. Children have to comply and exist in the conditions provided by the parent because they don't have a choice. The parents crazy behavioral beliefs are imprinted on the minds of the wee one backed up with a wall of memories to support said beliefs which can last long after the parental figure is removed causing great distress in the lives of the now grown children.
I dare to say that this is a basic structure of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
But what do I know, I'm just afflicted.
---------------------
Hi..
I've reread your post over and over because I so get it and I think I know what you are asking finally. The part that finally sticks out is at the end where you say...
Quote:
But, things were far from perfect. Itf's so ingrained, even to this day. It's only at moments of extreme upset that I feel life is real. Sometimes, it's as though I'm seeing myself clearly for the first time. Very difficult to describe.
Is this dissociation or just being an actress/living in my head?
|
I do this too and I don't know what to call it. It's like a 2 part process where firstly, through mental and emotional exhaustion I do dissociate, then secondly, I start taking stock of life, re-evaluating, retrospecting, examining and re-examining, and re-assessing as in second person. It is a momentary state of dissociation from ones life, but it wouldn't be on the lines of a dissociative disorder.
Everyone dissociates at one time or another, but being a disorder is a whole other animal, so to speak. I hope this helped.