We tried counseling in the past but honestly the counselors seemed to provoke the abuse more - telling him I deserved that treatment n that any self-respecting man would do the same n telling me that it was understandable I would feel the need to seek security because of my borderline personality - but that I was the cause of everything that was happening. So we don't want to seek more counseling til we move. As to what has changed - he is no longer swinging weapons at me n stopping just before hitting me nor is he telling me the severely hurtful things he used to - right now its just flares, more like the "escalation" part of the cycle - if indeed that is what it is, bc we are legitimately under a lot of stress too n trying to make changes while stressing can be hard so it may not be him trying to be abusive-in fact now when i point it out he has started acknowledging n recognizing it-but rather just him "defaulting back to what he knows" while he is stressing?