Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
But the T and C are never equals. That's a core part of the problem. The whole enterprise depends on the presence of a hierarchy. If the T is revealed to be just as screwed up as the C, then the process would grind to a halt. When I have tried to assert myself with a T, by necessity they usually attempted to "right the ship".
As for trust, I don't see how genuine trust can exist when one person has the job of revealing as little of themselves as possible. Most T's I have been to are inscrutable and opaque. They were a professional mask, whereas I am expected to reveal all.
I did feel relative safety. But because my T was not being herself, the safety was an illusion.
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Youre right, the safety IS an illusion. A t is like being on a respirator after surgery until you can breathe on your own again. A parent isnt really all-powerful, it just seems that way to the infant. Thats why i put "equals" in quotes. I mean you stay in your recognized roles, according yo recognized rules.
My t used to tell me, "i can either be your t or your bf but not both." I used yo think that was a stupid thing to say, because the ship had sailed on the boyfriend part since he was already my t, so why make it sound like he was offering me a choice?? There is no choice! Except that - as a t, he was available to me; as a bf, he was not. Also he asked me, didnt i trust him to know how to do his job?
I know he gets impatient with me; heck i get impatient with me! As a couple we would probably kill each other before we walked two blocks. As a therapeutic couple, we make it a safe space.