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I've been thinking about this thread for days. This is going to be kind of a typical "I see both(all?) sides" Liz answer.
I believe we all need, to some degree, acknowledgement that there's shyte going on in our life. It's disheartening to have someone else seem to dismiss our pain. My husband died in August 2000. Not long before the holidays I mentioned to my T that I was struggling with my feelings with the upcoming holidays. He told me there were people who lost family on the holidays, how would I feel about that. I was shocked by what I thought was insensitivity on his part. Earlier this year I had to spend a minor fortune to have my entire house replumbed. I mentioned it to a friend who said "Well, at least you have the money." Yeah I did, but it had taken a long time to save that much. Any case I felt dismissed by both people. I didn't need either person to make my problem better. I just wanted someone to hear me and acknowledge me.
I hear you about those with apparently trivial problems that make them seem like the end of the world, but to that person it might seem like the end of the world. I bite my tongue and try to say something kind. I remind myself that this person might never have suffered what others might think of as a "major" problem. Or maybe they lack the coping skills to deal with whatever is happening.
another personal example - first time I went to a support group for DV survivors I listened to the horror stories the other women felt. When it was my turn to speak I said I didn't feel like I belonged there because hubby had "only" hit me twice. The reality was that while he'd only hit me twice I was a broken, scared little rabbit who was dissociating just to get through the day.
When it comes to comparing ourselves to others I see both sides. It's dismissive to minimize what someone experienced. At the same time it helps me to remember that life could be worse when I climb up on the pity pot.
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