Hi,

I think I just need to share this.. I'm afraid of men.

I know this comes from my dad who was crazy - he wanted me dead when I was a baby, or better yet, never having been born at all..

Rationally, I know not all or even most men are like this, but I can't shake the fear that they might be. I'm guessing my head got messed up because of my dad being the way he was at a time when my eyes were wide open and I was only just learning about the world - this is what men are like, this is what women are like, this is what the world is like, this is what life is like..

This really gets me down because, on the other hand, I recognise I like men and would like to have a relationship at some point - but how can that happen when I'm always keeping men at arm's length 'just to be on the safe side' making sure they won't get a chance to hurt me..

I ask myself what I need to move past this.. 'A hug - for someone to tell me that, of course, I'm scared after the experiences I've had - but that not all men are like my dad..'

And I'm thinking the way to maybe have that relationship one day is to observe men and decide who can be trusted, then let them get a bit closer so we can get to know each other.. Right? I don't have to let them know everything about me all at once, I can take baby steps and all the time, find out if I can trust them more and more - right?