Hello May2000: Welcome to PsychCentral! You know... I recall, many years ago when I was in college, I had a psychology professor who said that mental health related behaviors are simply the same behaviors we all engage in except that they are magnified. So, for example, we all wash our hands if we think they may be dirty or if we've touched something dirty. But, if one begins to wash one's hands to the point where they are raw & bleeding, & still one cannot stop washing, this then becomes a mental health issue. Does that make sense?

So, with that thought in mind, what I would like to suggest to you is that what you are experiencing may or may not rise to the level of a mental illness, Bipolar disorder for example. It is a matter of degree. Only a psychiatrist or therapist can determine accurately whether or not what you are experiencing constitutes a mental illness. On the other hand, what you are experiencing troubles you regardless. So it would certainly be worth looking into it more deeply with the help of a professional therapist. You don't have to have an official mental illness to see a therapist. Lots of people who don't have a mental illness see therapists simply as a way of figuring out how to deal with difficult situations in their lives. It may be worthwhile for you to do so as well, if for no other reason, then simply to put your mind at rest. But also, keep posting here on PC. It can help. And the more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. I wish you well...