You HAVE been a good mom! You are fighting for their future as much as your own. I wonder if your father gets that. As for your ex's, they're somebody else's problem now. Appearances can be deceiving. Yes, this is a tough time. The holidays. Why isn't our life like all the happy families on TV gathered together with joy? Because our life isn't a TV fantasy. It's reality. And if you take reality one dose at a time, its much easier to deal with. ( except like me when both the car AND the furnace craps out on the same day). You're a great mom, right? Best wishes for next year. Hoping things will come together for you very soon.