It takes two willing participants to make couples therapy work. Not to say that individual therapy for someone going through this isn't beneficial.

My exhusband came home unexpectedly a couple of times when I refused to answer the multitude of calls, so I understand the 'keeping the peace.' Not that it's healthy. But it was what it was. In hindsight, yes he[my ex] has bpd.

It took several attempts to leave, plus a couple years of counseling and support groups. Wasn't fully in the clear after. We have kids. I was assaulted a couple of years after my divorce with death threats when he discovered that I moved on. It was then a couple of years no contact with a restraining order, a charge and trial by the DA's office, probation and anger management and a hefty court fine before where it stands is shared legal custody and my moving one community away from him and no controlling behavior on his part.

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