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And I'm thinking the way to maybe have that relationship one day is to observe men and decide who can be trusted, then let them get a bit closer so we can get to know each other.. Right? I don't have to let them know everything about me all at once, I can take baby steps and all the time, find out if I can trust them more and more - right?
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Now that you understand the source of your discomfort, it sounds like you would consider working systematically on getting more accustomed to men.