After thinking for a long time that I had AS, then depression it turned out that I have BPD. I found out about it at the beginning of the year when I ended up at the Psych Dep because of suicidal thoughts and SH. I spent there 5 weeks. After that My T told me she will not be seeing me anymore. Then in June I ended up for 3 weeks at the hospital because of being suicidal again. I was discharged, but ended up in the hospital the next day for the same reason and stayed there for 2 weeks. Then I spent 3 months in intensive group therapy with no effect. I vegetated for some time and ended up at the hospital 2 weeks ago after suicide attempt. They only kept me there for 6 day, took me off antidepressants and discharged me. I am still felling very depressed, I have no interest in life. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up, I wish I could kill myself but I don't want to hurt my family, so suicide is not an option. I am struggling a lot. Every day is a nightmare for me. I was abandoned by my father when I was a kid, I am a rape-attempt victim, I am not sure about my sexuality, i was kicked out of university twice (I am not able to leave home and thus take part in classes), my family keeps a lot of pressure on me (I know they just want me to get better) to go out and find a job etc., i have serious health problems and many more things on my mind. I have a constant feeling of derealization. I don't understand myself and what is going on with me. I was a very successful student with a lots of achievements and now I am struggling with everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am fading out. I really need someone to help me somehow... My family is sick of me. My mind is messed up. It is hard for me to explain exactly how I feel right now... I am extremely scared all the time...

Can someone please give me some advice on how to start coping with BPD? Say some kind words to me? Anything? Please, help me... I need some one...