Hello just a name: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You mentioned your T told you she would not be seeing you anymore. Do you see any mental health professionals at this point... a new T or a psychiatrist?

Given what you have been going though over the course of the past year, & where things stand now, my thinking would be that you really need to be treating, in real life, with mental health professionals. We here on PsychCentral can try to be supportive, & perhaps offer suggestions based on our own experiences. But this is not a substitute for professional in-person treatment.

It has occurred to me, from reading I've done, that there was a time (when I was young... I'm an older person now) when I might well have been diagnosed as having BPD. However at this point, if I did ever have it, it has degraded mostly into anxiety & depression. I was told, by one of the therapists I've seen in the past, that BPD tends to burn itself out a one ages. Oh, & by the way, I have also had my share of gender-identity issues... & I've made previous suicide attempts & been self-harming.

'That said, I'm really not in a position to offer advice with regard to coping with BPD. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, who feel more able to do so will reply to your post with some suggestions. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to triumph over your great struggle.