Hello lonelysmoke: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral!

I read you post. It sounds like you have been struggling mightily for several years now. I don't know anything about how mental health services are provided in Hong Kong. One thing that struck me was your mentioning that your mother has often accompanied you to your mental health related appointments.

Are you considered to be an adult at age 20 in Hong Kong? Is it possible for you to see mental health professionals alone at this point? Having your mother attend these appointments seems to me to be an unfortunate circumstance. In fact, where I live, this simply would not happen unless you specifically gave permission for it. There's no way you can be truly honest with your psychiatrist or therapist with your mother sitting there beside you, I don't believe. And unless you can be truly honest, this makes it more difficult for the mental health professionals you see to help you.

From what you wrote, it sounds like you have had some serious mental health challenges in your young life. Plus you have been bullied & belittled. From my perspective, you need the services of mental health professionals to help you figure out what is going on & what can be done about it. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you find the right person or persons to help you. You have to keep looking until you find the right fit. I know this can be difficult. But it is necessary. You're very young to be so overwhelmed with mental health struggles. I hope you can find a way to get the professional treatment you need. My best wishes to you...