I had a fine childhood. No abuse, no neglect, everyone is still here. Dad never left, mom never left. The only bad part about my childhood was me constantly being angry and irritable and kicking thing and hitting things and yelling. But I liked it. I love getting angry. It just relieves a lot of stress for me, and I also remember parental arguments, but everyone hears that. I was never really bullied, just the occasional big kid picking on little kid type thing. I mean it didn't feel good to be picked on but I pulled through. That was in 5th grade. I'm 16 years old now.

I used to be suicidal and self-harm. Now I don't. But when I self-harm, it was usually just to draw blood and out of boredom. I would do it when I had periods of where I felt numb. Nowadays, I feel numb at least 85% of the time. The only emotions I feel are extreme hyperness, or being angry. I guess its always been that way for me my entire life.

Then school started back after the break and the fantasies got more violent, I started getting deeply interested in serial killers and school shootings. I highly admire Eric and Dylan from columbine and Manson. I admire dark things in general, always have.

But lately, I've gotten another urge, the urge to commit crimes? Like shoplifting. It´s gotten so strong that I've started shoplifting. Not anything I even wanted, just random stuff.

But one urge I've gotten lately kinda concerns me. I get completely random urges to hurt animals. My cat was in my room and I was looking at her and there was a thumbtack on the floor and a voice popped in my head saying "Stab the cat in the side with the thumbtack". Now I'm NOT schizophrenic, the voice was my own internal voice. It didn't sound like it was coming from outside of me. But it concerns me because I love animals, especially my cat.

I've gotten urges that are so bad to where I almost went downstairs, grabbed a knife, and killed my mother. But luckily I didn't. It feels like It would feel good to do it, but I really don't want to hurt anyone.

I've actually picked out people who I think would be easier targets to kill, with less of a chance of me getting caught, and ways to kill them. I fantasize about torture all the time.

I'm getting worried that I might be crazy. Please help?