Quote:
Originally Posted by hazn
But there lies one of the issues (in my opinion; and I could be wrong)... just because we're sensitive, doesn't mean it's OK to expect others to be as sensitive as we are. It turns out, a lot of people aren't. Some people aren't/do not get as emotional, or as attached, have the same priorities, values, etc. And they aren't defective either. I do believe some people are TOO sensitive for others... it doesn't mean they're bad, but I imagine it can strain a relationship after some time.
What made you feel as if the relationships were empty and false? OK, they weren't perfect, but very few relationships are... and even then it's not forever. What needs of yours do you feel weren't being met? It's difficult for me to comment, because obviously I don't know the situation whereas you do... but was it necessary to cut them out of your life completely? And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to confuse you; I'm just trying to be balanced. I've had someone I love cut me out of their life without warning, and it's the most horrible thing ever. I'm still dealing with it, because it all doesn't make much sense to me.
But hey, if you had friends who were mean, were abusive to you, put you down, etc... then removing them from your life is absolutely justified.
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You misunderstood me. I do not expect others to be as sensitive at all. I expect people to be exactly who they are, whether they are sensitive or not. Telling someone who is sensitive that they are being overly sensitive does not make them feel any better about themselves. It doesn't change the situation. It doesn't make them feel less sensitive but worse. Whether someone is overly sensitive or not, its important to have some respect for their feelings. Maybe they do have a legitimate reason for feeling that way. When people say things like that to me, for example, its like a slap in the face and a put down. Its like you're saying "It's all in your head. Stop being so crazy." You can't deal with very sensitive people as if they're not very sensitive, especially when it comes to criticism. This is what I've learned from experience and from studying myself. I've been friends with people all over the spectrum, and how I interact with people is based upon their personality traits. I can be jokingly insensitive with one friend, but it might not be appropriate with another friend who is more like me. Its being conscientious and considerate.
As for these friends...the one barely talked to me, so I don't think me ceasing to speak to her is really going to bother her all that much. I mean if she texts me I'll probably respond out of politeness. My basic needs are communication, consistency and for people to follow through with what they say they'll do. For behavior to back up words. For people to not ditch me without an explanation especially if we made plans. If you can't make it, that's fine. I am really understanding. But to just ditch, not say anything for 5 days, and then act like its okay? No. Its not okay to do that. Its horribly rude and inconsiderate. If something is going on, then tell me. I would never do that to someone. Ever. I would never expect out of other people what I would not expect or demand from myself.
It kills me when people say, yes we'll hang out. I'll call tonight we can talk. I'm there for you. Make all these plans. Look forward to it all do. Work myself up to talking over the phone because I have a phone phobia so there's prep work. And then...nothing. I get ditched. This is not how I would treat someone I respect and value as a friend.