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debbie_tabor said:
My therapist is a nice person but just too practical. I try to talk about important things and just come away from seeing her feeling empty. I know I can feel more than this because I had a therapist previously who I wanted to be my mother, the feelings were so strong.
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It is such a difficult thing to decide when it is actually time to change therapists. As far a coming away from her feeling empty... Do you notice that the empty feeling is directly connected to therapy? Even though I have a good connection with my T and we have worked together for 2 yrs. so far, I still do (as recently as last week) come away from sessions feeling empty. These are generally times in which I am filled with emptiness and ambivalance about everything. However, since you have compared this to a feeling of strong emotional attachment to a previous T, it sounds as though maybe you are not getting that connection with current T.
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I'm scared to change in case I get someone worse. At least she's a nice person, and I think she has tried to change things when we've discussed how I feel. I do get something out of seeing her. I've never discussed having suicidal feelings before and maybe over all the years of fantasising about what I wanted people's responses to be I've come to expect too much.
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Can you specifically define what you get out of seeing her? Maybe this will help. I wasn't clear on what you wrote-- have you discusses the suicidal feelings with her? I had a lot of trouble discussing SI with my T (still do) because over the years, I have had so much of a lack of response by those around me. I always had this fantasy of the exact response I'd want to get... and I ended up being afraid of talking about it to T because I thought I'd get the exact same non-response... and I'd set myself up for hurt and disappointment.
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Positive things: I'm trying to deal with it in a grown up way (about time at 40), discussing it with my therapist and not just running away.
Negative things: I don't like it (that sounds pitiful!), and I'm not sure if or when I'm going to take the next step, but I need to decide.
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It sounds like you are handling things in a really well thought out way. But please remember this... it's one thing to deal with things maturely by thinking something through and not running away, and a whole other thing to just stay for other reasons, even though you don't feel comfortable. I also say this... and I'll say it again and again... the therapeutic relationship is like other relationships only in the sense that it has to be two people who "click." And just like any relationship, you aren't always going to find that on the first occasion. Or you may have had it at one time with someone, not had it with someone else, etc. I think a lot of times there is an expectation that things will work out and a huge disappointment when things don't, just for the simple fact that this person is a therapist. But sometimes you have to try one, two, or even more, before it can work. My current therapist is in my 3rd. It takes two-- a patient who is willing to do the work and a therapist who is willing to go along for the journey... but even if you have those two willing parties, it's not always going to happen that way... in life, some people connect, others don't... I believe it's the same in therapy. So I urge you to really think about the connection and relationship that exists genuinely for you and your T... it will help you with your decision. I wish you luck.