You can have borderline traits without having BPD. When I was 19 or 20 I was convinced I had it and my therapist at the time said that I couldn't, because I didn't abuse drugs or have promiscuous sex. Even though I did abuse alcohol, and I met the DSM-IV criteria, I just accepted what she said. Eventually, like 10 years later, a different therapist went over the criteria with me and agreed I met the criteria at the time I began seeking help. I could be angry about it but there's not much good anger will do. I would probably have felt better sooner, so even if no one with dx you, learn about DBT and mindfulness and start working on the things that bother you. There are a lot of great self-help websites for DBT, and many many books.