I had searched hard for an analyst. Really hard. And didn't think I was going to find one I could get to by bus.

I had just ditched my psychologist of 2 months for various reasons including she had cancelled on me at the last minute 3 or 4 weeks in a row via her receptionist. She would be the last behavioral therapist for me, I decided. (Have had many over the last 12 years).

The first session with T was just a meeting to see how it went between us. I borrowed a car because it was in the evening and the bus there doesn't run that late. When I found the place to turn, there it was "Behavioral Services".

*&$#!!#$!

It would have been easy and would have been my natural reaction to turn right around and not even pull in, but I knew it was important to keep going and I didn't have to decide anything... right... that... minute.

My first words to her were "Are you a behavioral therapist???!!!!" because I'd told her on the phone what I was looking for. She said no and we talked about that a bit. Turns out it is not a group at all, just offices T's use and the sign was just a generic kind of sign because there is no group name to put out there and there are many T's. We talked about my T experiences, my choosing analysis, lack of insurance coverage. She had worked for an insurance company for 20 years. She revealed that some T's will sign on with an insurance company that only wants to offer short term therapy to their insureds, but actully will do analysis. So, if it didn't work with her, she might be able to find me someone she knew of in my insurance company's network. (Would have not been good, because a month later my company switched to a catastrophic plan). We also talked about her credentials, her experience, her fee. I told her my situation, some history, my self-diagnosis and symptoms and I asked if she had experience with anxiety/depression. I asked how analysis would help.

I liked her. She Listened. She was serious, talked in psych language that I understand, and we laughed a couple of times too.

In the end it looked like our schedules were going to be conflicting. I didn't see how I'd manage to get there when she was available.

She mentioned that she liked to meet with someone a few times to see how it worked before deciding to proceed.

I left frustrated and angry about the scheduling (I liked her a lot) and because I was sure she'd put up with me for the "few times" and then tell me, no we wouldn't work well together. (I figured she'd said that because she already didn't like me and so was preparing me for rejection).

2nd session began with "I sense you were a bit angry when you left last week....". At the end of that session she said that the next session she would like me to "begin where you are" and I just loved hearing that. It was as if to say, wherever you are is okay and we'll take it from there.

my T