I am too am struggling with allowing myself to be happy. It seems like all too often something comes along that steals it away. This seems to have created a great deal of anger and self punishing thoughts in me. The pain is real. It has some roots in childhood but even more significant to me are the current painful events in my life. It is all about family. People outside of the family seem to care , love and respect me. Needless to say it hurts. I have kept trying to be close but maybe a little distance is best.