I saw my pdoc today. We've had some confusion in communication that resulted in some tears but it is worked out now I think. I hope.

When I got my lithium levels drawn and then later when I hadn't heard I sent her emails asking if we could try raising my dose a bit just to be sure it was worthless. Somehow those emails got lost. And I'm supposed to call when I send something important and I just didn't. So I could have tried this a few weeks ago but ultimately it doesn't really change anything after we talked more. I think her plan before we started talking was another month of lithium and I am absolutely certain that last month we agreed that I could do one more month and then I was done trying so hard. So I cried when I thought we were waiting a month. But we aren't.

My prior understanding was that I would start going off Seroquel at home, go IP when I couldn't handle it and start Clozaril there while getting off the rest of the Seroquel. Today I had 2 options: going on Clozaril very slowly while coming down from Seroquel very slowly and possibly needing the hospital anyway but potentially getting through at home or I could choose to go IP, know I was going to feel absolutely horrible for a few days while I was pulled of Seroquel rapidly and then they will start the Clozaril a little faster. That's what I chose. I don't want to spend 5 weeks tapering and still wind up IP after I've put up with it for 3 or 4 weeks.

There isn't a dr on the unit I usually go to right now b/c he quit so the other drs are taking turns covering. My pdoc sent an email to all 5 of them asking how they want to handle the situation. I don't know if I'll hear from her again this week or not and she's off next but the week after I'll more than likely be calling to tell her I feel horrible still. And then she'll tell me the plan.

But I will probably be going IP somewhere between Jan. 4-11.

Unless a slightly higher but still minuscule dose of lithium works wonders.

I didn't get much sleep and the entire drive was rainy and there were 2 accidents so I had 6.5 hours of driving today plus an hour with my therapist and 1.5 hours with my pdoc. I am so tired I'm really emotional but I am so glad that one thing or another is going to work soon (assuming Clozaril helps me).