to me, it's the only thing that has made sense. i also have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but i never agreed with it. it didn't explain things to me...and i figured it was a catch all diagnosis..but i do have a diagnosis of dissociation (at the moment not sure what my psychiatrist is thinking as she told me that before i talked more in depth about things) which explains things more, and OCD. but knowing i have dissociated since a very young age, having heard their voices and thoughts, having seen them (internally), feeling them when they don't talk/share thoughts, etc. were pretty clear indicators to me something else was going on that certain things could not explain.

the confusion to me though is the variation of things, how things can be stable for a while (even years at times) but then completely crazy at other times (mostly related to things being triggered, some that didn't bother me at some times).

although i still do experience denial with it..i know it is what fits. i have missing parts of memories, missing memories all together (some told to me by family), a history of a lot of trauma (big and small), and clearly my symptoms are all related to trauma..avoidance to not trigger (more), fears, all kinds of things that borderline personality doesn't even touch on..neither does OCD.

but....it just...fits..and makes so much sense. it's just something i know..just like i know i went through traumatic things but don't have all the memories (just the residuals of it all). it has taken me many years to figure certain things out.