Its very difficult being in a world where you are more sensitive than the majority. Because the world wasn't kindly designed for overly sensitive people. In the Survival Guide book, temperament doesn't change with therapy, its too much a part of who we are. So I'm always going to be overly sensitive. What you can change is how you deal with and react to these overwhelming emotions and stimulation. Which is the good news. But I am a little disappointed that the sensitivity isn't going to disappear so I can be like everyone else. But as long as the emotions are manageable instead of derailing, I guess it doesn't matter.

My Therapist isn't even that old. She's like...31 or 32. I love plaid, skulls, stars, studs, Marvel t-shirts, chains, heavy eye make-up. I calmed down a lot since I was a teen/in my early twenties, but apparently I was too on the edge. What baffled me was being told I like to be the center of attention when I'm socially phobic and try to disappear in group social situations. They told me I use to be that way and I was like, "Uh...I'm terrified of people and hate when they pay attention to me." But they didn't believe me. Its okay. I have the satisfaction of knowing they were wrong, as proven by a psychologist. It bothers her too. She always brings it up. Like, "OH, we were close. BPD was on the other page." Hahahahaha. I'm not amused. I'm tired of having wrong diagnoses. I was treated as a schizophrenic for 5 years only to learn I'm just Bipolar II with psychotic features when I'm hypomanic. I feel like telling them off sometimes. Schizophrenia is a heavy diagnosis. Its literally the most debilitating mental illness there is. And to think you have it, and facing the social stigma associated with it, having to tell employers you're schiz in case you think you'll have a hallucination on the job and require treatment. Feeling like you're a real freak of nature because only 1% of the population is schizophrenic.

Its awful. It was really awful. And all the medications the one psychiatrist had me on. I was taking 11 pills a day. I could barely function I was so medicated, and drooling. Its amazing I still have faith in the mental health field.